Two days ago, I received an email from my favorite "adopted professor," Dr. Srikumar Rao.  I met Dr. Rao a couple of years ago when he called after reading my Open letter to CXOsblog post.  As soon as I heard his voice, I relaxed and smiled, sincehe exuded joy even over the phone.  We talked for over an hour, and Ilearned that this open, humble wonderful soul taught creativity to MBAstudents at Columbia and London business schools.  Despite beingincredibly intelligent, he didn't have any of the academic stuffinessthat plagues many other professors.  He concluded the call asking whathe could do to help me.  I was floored and humbled that he would takeso much of his time to connect with a blogging Mom in Mesa, Arizona,and was inspired by his generosity of spirit.

Dr. Rao told me that he recently did a presentation for Google, andshared the YouTube link.  Last night, after the kids were tucked inbed, I watched his presentation and was struck by something he said:   

"Your 'me-centered universe creates the stress in your life.  To feel better, do things for the benefit of the greater good."

Using examples drawn from his book Are you ready to succeed?  Unconventional strategies for achieving personal mastery in business and in life Dr. Rao stated:

"You live in a me-centered universe.  We all do.  Eachof us evaluates events, near and distant, in terms of their impact on"me."  If your spouse gets a great job offer, you think about how thiswill affect your relationship.  When your daughter comes home with atattoo and a nose ring, you think abut how your friends will react andwhat they will think about your parenting.  When you read about unrestin the Middle East, among other things, you worry about the impact ofoil prices and how much more you will have to pay for gas.  You hearabout a car accident on the radio and think in terms of how delayed youwill be by the traffic jam.

Even your your altruistic inclinations are frequently tainted.  Youwant to "do good in the world" and to "give back" but it is importantto you that you also be recognized for your actions.  You want yourjokes to be laughed at, your contributions to be acknowledged, and youradvice to be solicited and acted upon.  It is as if you walk throughlife with an invisible sign on your forehead:  "This is ME.  Payattention.  I am important."

   This "me-centered" perspective is what causes somuch suffering, since the universe rarely gives you exactly what youwant when you demand it.

Instead, try focusing on the greater good for in some typically "sticky" areas of your life:

• Perfectionism
  Who doesn't stress about work, parenting or even cooking?  My Momand I laugh at how we both used to get totally obsessed with our dinnerparty menus.  If the chicken was rubbery or the vegetables tinged withgray, we would seethe with embarrassment in the kitchen, certain thateveryone was quietly tossing their food to the cat under the table. After awhile, we realized how ridiculous we were being and toned downour standards.

  Focus on the greater good:  What will make your dinnerguests feel good?  Great music, good company, lots of love and laughteris much more important than perfect food.

• Ego
  Recently, I shared a URL with a friend of a new fantastic book and website called The first 30 days(more detailed review on my blog to come).  Crestfallen, she wroteback: "I can't believe it -- she just created the very thing that I wasthinking of doing!"  I have experienced the same thing myself in othersituations, and it flares up ugly parts of my ego.

  Focus on the greater good: What does my target audiencecrave?  What information or services do they need?  If I am not theonly one providing this information to my audience, that is to their benefit. And if someone creates a book or program or service that is better thanmine, instead of fighting it, I should create something unique anddifferent that will still serve their needs.  Competition stimulatesexcellence when we focus on solving our customer's problems.

• Fear
  Two months ago I wrote about the scary state of the worldand how it can make us feel unstable and uneasy, especiallyfinancially.  The more we obsess about the lack of jobs and resources,the more stuck we become.

  Focus on the greater good:  How can I help someone else feelless financial strain?  How can I do something in my business that willlead to more financial stability for my customers, and a more solideconomy?  What can I give away that will support someone else?

• Loneliness
  Of all the obvious areas in which to apply the "greater good,"loneliness is in the center!  If you are feeling disconnected, alone,unappreciated or unloved, it is easy to get trapped in your own web ofwoes and spiral down in depression.  My favorite example of this waswhen I called a good friend one evening and asked her what she wasdoing.  "I am sitting here in the dark, alone, drinking a glass of wineand listening to Ella Fitzgerald sing "Someday he'll come along (the man I love)"Although it was incredibly inappropriate, I started giggling, since theimage was so absurd.  Pretty soon, we were both roaring with laughtersince obviously, the "man she loved" was NOT going to come knocking onher door with that strategy.  We now call it "The Ella Moment."

  Focus on the greater good:  Get your hiney out the door andinto the heart of someone who needs you.  I am not talking about lonelysouls at the local bar, but rather someone who will appreciate yourlove at the highest level. Go hug drug addicted babies at the hospital(they actually have great needs for volunteers at some facilities). Visit an elder home and sit under an oak tree and listen to a grandmaor grandpa tell stories for a few hours.  Volunteer at a youth programand help a youngster with homework.  The joy you will feel atconnecting with someone else who needs you will feel so great you willradiate with love.  And then, who knows, on the subway home, maybe hewill come along, the man you love.

I want to stress that focusing on the greater good does not meanserving others at the exclusion of yourself.  The power in helpingothers succeed, as Dr. Rao says, is that  "the universe naturallyorganizes itself to help you."

Try it!  Let me know how it works out.

View Dr. Rao's entire talk on YouTube at this link.

He also just came out with an audio version of his personal mastery program here. And if you enjoyed his talk, let him know!  I would love for him tofeel the same support and joy that he so generously shares with others.

What are your thoughts on getting unstuck by focusing on the greater good?